When conflicts get hot, how can you show up as your best self and use your leadership to navigate through the conflict rather than let it boil over into violence? As our first blog on rituals mentioned, rituals are a creative and culturally powerful way to get leaders off the sidelines and into the game, keeping temperatures cool and conflicts productive. Conflict happens. Leaders need to know what to do to de-escalate situations that could lead to violence. We wanted to explore the question: could rituals be the secret to motivating leaders to do a hard part of their job well?
To learn more about what rituals are, why they are effective and when people should use rituals as a tool to calm themselves or others, we spoke to three experts in the field during our latest Best-Case Scenario workshop. Rev. Tuhina Rasche, the theologian in residence at Faith in Public Life; Kacey Oiness-Thompson, Ph.D., the former director and sport psychologist at UNLV Athletics; and Professor Abigail Eiler, MSW, a clinical associate professor of social work at the University of Michigan, all made the case for the utility of rituals. They bring people back to the present, help them be their best selves, create intentionality in moments of transition or crisis, and most importantly, are typically done in connection with community.
As Rasche pointed out, most rituals are inherited and something we carry with us from the past into the present. But sometimes old rituals give way to new ones that are more effective at meeting the present moment. Leaders can create rituals for themselves or others to help move past the idea that political violence is “none of their business” and prompt them to meet this current moment of political and civic volatility. Our hope is that these new rituals will be passed down to future generations.
We learned from Eiler that rituals connect us to our own sense of purpose. Participants identified hope, communal care, reputation and safety as key motivators for taking action during a high-pressure moment. These incentives all give individuals a sense of purpose, something that Eiler noted is strongly interconnected with rituals.
As many leaders and organizations saw in the wake of the attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump, there is intense pressure to respond to moments of crisis immediately without taking the time to emotionally regulate as individuals. While this may lead to a prompt response, reacting to events from a place of emotional dysregulation is not the most strategic move.
So how do you quickly regulate your emotions and ground yourself so you’re ready to react to moments of high tension from a calm internal state? Sports psychologist Oiness-Thompson gave us valuable insight into the techniques she recommends for athletes in the middle of high-pressure situations that can be applied beyond the sports arena. Her first recommendation is that routines and rituals are most effective when prepared and practiced in advance and used consistently. This creates a conditioned mental and emotional response that is calm, composed and intentional and increases people’s self-confidence to respond correctly in a crisis. You can adjust to the high temperature of everyone else or you can model a cooler temperature for others. As Oiness-Thompson puts it, you can be a thermostat or a thermometer. Being a “thermometer” is getting swept up in an intense moment and matching someone else’s emotional state instead of calming them down. Being a “thermostat” is you cooling the temperature of those around you, decreasing tensions and stepping up as a leader.
Creating an emergency plan to identify everyone’s role in an escalating situation is a strong first step to creating a routine that could lower tensions. During a high-tension moment, practice using mindfulness rituals including checking in on how you feel in a nonjudgmental manner, box breathing or another deep breathing technique, or naming different things you can see, smell, taste, hear, and feel. In the aftermath of a conflict, seek social support and guidance to debrief the situation, connect back to your values, and practice self-compassion. After all, building a consistent mindfulness ritual takes time and practice. If you’re interested in learning even more about rituals, check out our first blog to DIY your own personal ritual.